This year was 15 YEARS since 9/11 and yet we’re still bombing the Arab world. It’s been FIVE YEARS since Occupy and yet people are still slaving away for $8 an hour while the big banks pillage our… everything. Just everything. I think Bank of America came into my apartment yesterday and just took my… cat’s youth. …I had a young cat – they gave me an old one. Point is, they OWN us!
So what’s the answer? Well, to do anything well takes practice – often a lot of practice. All the greats practiced thousands upon thousands of hours – Mozart, Da Vinci, Serena Williams, that guy who hosts “Survivor.” He has had a shit load of practice at standing there in cargo pants and going “You look hungry.” To be really really good at anything takes an insane amount of practice. I myself happen to be INCREDIBLY good at crying quietly while binge watching “How Did This Get Made?” …Something about watching liquid metal poured into molds that are going to be trophies makes everything okay.
Yet some of the things we supposedly want as a society, we put NO practice into WHATSOEVER! For example – peace. Achieving peace. We put no time into perfecting or obtaining peace. There’s no Department of Peace. There’s no Unit of Peace. There’s not a SINGLE guy tasked with bringing about peace! And if there were, some asshole would shoot him! It’s been 15 years since 9/11 and we’re no closer to a peaceful world. In fact we’re closer to full acceptance of infinite war.
In 2015 we had a declared defense budget of $600 Billion. Over 50% of our discretionary spending goes to bombing and preparing to bomb. What do you think we’re going to do with that money, equipment, and manpower?! We’re going to find a way to fucking USE it! You gear up for war – You go to war! No one dresses like Rambo and acts like Ghandi! No one dresses like a porn star and acts like a Mennonite! No one dresses like Bill Nye The Science Guy and sells you black market buttplugs!
Our military industrial complex is a massive potential energy. Trillions of dollars and millions of people all getting ready for when that energy becomes kinetic – becomes active. They spend all day every day preparing for THAT. So of course they’re gonna make THAT happen!
Not to mention, we HAVE to keep war going because there’s so much money in it for the contractors. Our military is the largest money laundering scheme in history – trillions of taxpayer dollars are taken and turned into Raytheon and Lockheed Martin dollars. But wait, what if we found another way to pay those contractors? What if we replaced the military with a program to drop billions of dollars worth of teddy bears down on poor children. Bears instead of bombs! Then the greedy dip shits at Boeing would STILL GET PAID! That’s the only way to end war! …I’m still working out the details.
And it’s not just peace we should be practicing and perfecting. How about a world where people don’t have to work as hard? I mean, technologically speaking, we’re at the point that no one NEEDS to be hungry or homeless or thirsty – whether they have a job or not. But we keep everyone slaving away because that’s the system we’re used to. Yet, if we look outside this mental cage, the accepted thought paradigm, we would see that we’re getting to a point where we won’t need MOST of the jobs.
Recently Uber rolled out self-driving cars in Pittsburgh, and a LARGE chunk of U.S. jobs revolve around transportation. They will all be gone. This raises a lot of questions, not the least of which is – If a self-driving car is going too slow in front of you, who exactly do you tell to “eat a bag of shit”? The algorithm?? Algorithms don’t eat anything! And what if the car has been programmed with an insult algorithm designed to hit back with the most harmful retort?
You: “Eat a bag of shit!”
Car: “Your dad loves your brother more than you.”
You: “Ah, fuck… That really hurts…”
Car: “He will never be proud of you.”
(You pull over and begin weeping quietly against your steering wheel.)
But honestly, what’s the point of half the jobs that we have? Let’s go down the list – Mailmen – being replaced by emails and drones. Military – replaced by… meaner drones. Waiters? Most could be replaced by a ranch dressing cannon that fires it across the restaurant. 90% of the job is GONE.
Weatherperson on the news? We all have phones – We have the weather report at our fingertips! So that means the weatherperson’s job is simply to tell it to us with personality. To make it a fucking SHOW. Yet MOST weatherpeople have little to no personality. They should be dancing onto the set, spinning plates, juggling poodles. “Hey folks, it will be 63 degrees out today – and sure, your phone will tell you that. But is your phone DOUBLE-JOINTED?! BOOM! LEGS BEHIND THE HEAD! Can your phone tell you the weather with its face in its OWN ASS?!”
Honestly, what jobs will be left? Even jobs that require a lot of education – like doctor and paralegal – many of those positions are increasingly filled by bots and algorithms. Daycare? Please. It’s called a leash tied to a Roomba. The kid gets pulled around the apartment in concentric circles – he’s having a fucking blast! Strap a Swiffer on his butt, and now you’ve also replaced the whole cleaning industry! DONE!
So all the normal jobs will be gone. Then you get into the more unusual stuff. UFC fighter? The career span of a UFC fighter is like four years, maybe. That’s not a career – it’s just a weird period in your life when a bunch of people were trying to kick your face in. And a bunch of other people were cheering for you to have your face kicked in. So really it’s just a four-year abusive relationship. My job? This could be done by a mop with a joke book and a sense of disillusionment.
RIGHT NOW we should be preparing for a job-free world, or at least a job-light world. But instead we’re FORCING EVERYONE to keep their nose to the grindstone – And “Grindstone” is the name of a pretentious coffee bar staffed by pissed-off hipsters who could EASILY be replaced by an espresso machine that has eyeballs (so that it can roll them at the sight of your haircut).
Rather than preparing for PEACE and a planet where we have time for art and thought and exploration, we’re preparing for WAR and working ourselves to death. We manifest the world we envision. And right now there are not enough people envisioning a world of peace and freedom.
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