REPUBLICANS: “My Calm & Collected Assessment of The GOP Field” – MOC#77

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1. *This just in:

   Word has it the GOP in the asses are inoculated upon joining the party with a mystery injection. (details are sketchy at this point, but we think it is a derivative made from Chaney’s bio-grease emanating from his fake heart pump thingie)

   Seems this injection causes acute Optical Rectalis (where the rectal nerves and the optic nerves cross giving a completely shitty outlook on life)

   There is no known antidote as yet, but there is Rubber Band Therapy. Simply attach a large rubber band around the victim’s head (be sure it’s really, really tight) and every time one of those GOP in the asses says something abso-fucking-lutely ridiculous and obviously wrong- the nearest citizen needs to run up and pull the rubber band back and snap it firmly against the forehead. While it will not cure the GOP, or any other victims of this condition (like Westboro Baptist Congregation, or the Koch Brothers, or any of the misaligned douche nozzles in Washington) it will provide a satisfying whelp from the offending hype monger, and it will stop the noise emanating from their lips that passes for politickin.

   I’m setting up an online support group (www.shittyoutlooksanon.come the fuck on!) with an e-commerce section that sells designer rubber bands… I even got a bunch with little American Flags on them, so there is no reason for the GOP to not wear them. (working on the stealth “nude” version) …we even have a stylish model coming out next spring based on the old Mood Ring technology.

   Get ’em while they are hot!